24 mg/dl - Chapter 1

The first chapter of "24 mg/dl" in portable document format (PDF) of  can be found here.

Thank you for your interest.

Random Ramblings

Tonight I was tremendously bored and began filling out a MySpace bulletin survey (lame, I know). One question asked what four things I'd like to do before I died. My first response was to be funny:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
1: Meet Steve Jobs

I usually just do bulletins to give humorous responses, cause I know that most people don't actually care what my three favorite colors are, or the answers to most of the other questions. So I made reference to my obsession for Apple products (I own 3 Apple computers, 2 iPods and an iPhone). I also recently went on a 36 hour trip with two friends to MacWorld in San Francisco and 28 of those 36 hours was spent driving.

My second answer was a serious one:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
2: Have kids

I usually have some seriousness in my survey responses, but that is only when I cannot think of humorous answers. Plus, I love children and can't wait to have my own (but will gladly wait anyway), so that seemed like a good answer.

So on to three and four:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
3:
4:

Ah hem. Three and four:

3:
4:

I couldn't come up with anything.

I tried to think of something hilarious....nothing. I tried thinking of something fun.....nothing. I tried to think of something practical....nothing. No good, funny or entertaining answer came to mind.

So then the request to "list FOUR things you want to do before you die" became "what are you going to do before you die," or more accurately, "what are you going to do with your life."

Wow....uhhmmm....hmmmmm....I don't know. So then that changed into "what could you do with your life?" That is the question! That is the question that I should be asking myself every morning before my feet hit the wonderful rug that my sister-in-law and mom bought for me.

If nothing was holding me back, what could I do with my life? Though, the easier question to answer would be "what couldn't I do with my life?" And that answer is most definitely, undeniably, NOTHING!

As a child everyone around you tells you that you can do or be anything you want to do or be. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor, marine biologist, astronaut, and many others. Who was it that convinced me I couldn't?

ME!!

I have the most amazing, supportive family and they always told me that I could do anything. But most of the time it was me that convinced me that I couldn't do it. There were a few times that they were able to convince me that I was able to achieve something, but that was not as frequent as it was that I believed I couldn't. The most amazing and horrifying thing happens when you convince yourself that you can't do something: you make it true.

I have always struggled with completing homework and other tasks that I deemed "no fun." But the real issue is less that it was no fun, and more that I was worried about failure. You see, if I get a bad grade because I didn't try hard, I have that excuse to fall back on. But if I worked as hard as I could on a task and failed it, then I'd have nothing to use as an excuse, and that scares the crap out of me. But the truth is that I wouldn't.

Phillippians chapter 4, verse 13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I had always read this as "I can get done what I want to because Christ will help me." False. The verse says "all things." God isn't just saying, "I'll help ya with that." He's saying, "You can do it!! I believe in you with all my heart!! I know you can do it, because I made you!!" And I didn't believe him.

WHAT?!?

I have consistently gotten in the way of my dreams and the dreams God has for me because I was scared he was wrong. I thought that I could be more reasonable about the situation than God. I'm no theologian, but I'm quite certain that goes against the first Commandment. I made a god before Him and it was me.

So where do I go from here? First, start listening to Him more and read my Bible, after all, I have four on my shelf, collecting dust. Second, stop getting in the way of my dreams, and start living my dreams. Third, re-read A Purpose Driven Life to find His purpose for my life.

Oh ya, and the answers to the rest of the bulletin:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
1: Meet Steve Jobs
2: Have kids
3: Start my own telecommunications company
4: Keep adding to this list.

I'm gonna be late for school.

Here's a funny story just for you:
I was watching Flight of the Conchords Wednesday evening, which is a hilarious show on HBO. It was so hilarious that I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up at about 7:30 and realized my alarm hadn't gone off, so I got up and started getting ready for school. I relieved my aching bladder and as I was getting in the shower I was trying to remember what I did last night:

hmmm...did I go to Bob and Josh's? no, Josh was getting off late. did I study for the quiz tomorrow? shoot, I didn't. I gotta review those key terms before class. why did I sleep on the living room couch last night? I never sleep on that couch. why didn't I at least go hang out with Bob? he didn't work tonight. I wonder if he called me.
I grabbed my phone.
no, no missed calls or texts, that's weird.

WAIT.

It's 7:40 PM!

I then began to laugh at myself. And got out of the shower.

Thank you to those of you who made this possible.

Despite it being ridiculously hot today, I decided to go out and run when I got home from school at 3:00. That's partly because I was bored, and partly because my coworkers complain that my pasty whiteness blinds them. I ended up running about 2.5 miles at about a 8.5-minute mile pace. Even if you're not impressed with that, I am.

I need to thank a few of you for making this possible. First, Gwen Stefani, Avril Lavigne and John Denver, for singing to me while I ran. But most importantly, Steve Jobs for letting them come with me.

Thank you.

Oh, and Bob was right; cold showers are amazing!

I'll sleep when I'm dead.Which may be soon.

In the last 72 hours I have:
-driven almost 400 miles
-worked 27 hours
-been at school for 8 hours
-been pulled over twice
-watched 3 episodes each of "Scrubs" and "Studio 60"
-and slept about 10 hours.

As you can see, it was a pretty packed weekend and I also went to my little sister's graduation and to church today. That was a lot to accomplish, so I made sure to multi-task as much as possible. For example I made sure to get some of my sleeping done while driving, working and sitting through lecture.

I know you are probably thinking that it may have been better to get the sleeping out of the way during Scrubs or Studio 60, but come on. Let's be serious. Those were the two most important things I did this weekend and both shows require my full attention. Work and driving don't really take a lot of focus and I can just put my mind on auto-pilot (or even sleep mode) and be fine.

And as far as school goes, I didn't mean to sleep. But I dare you to sit through an afternoon of Mike lecturing about 8085 microprocessors and programing in hexadecimal without your eyelids getting heavy. You just can't do it. Or at least I can't do it.

There are a couple of you that are no doubt saying this was not a big deal; that you could do that no problem. Well try it. Go ahead. I promise I'll go to your funeral.


This weekend sponsored in part by No-Doz, Starbucks and Diet Coke.

iRun.iHurt.

I realized this last week that I am no longer able to run 26.2 miles. Or even 1. So I decided to start running again. I set a goal of running everyday over spring break.

Pain. Lots and lots of pain.

You see, other than an "attempt" at running with Julie about two years ago, I haven't run any significant distance in six years. And last Tuesday I decided that I was able to run about two miles with no stretching or warm up.

Wrong.

I got up at 7 and ran for a little over a mile, then tripped on a raised section of the sidewalk, scraped my knee and hands, and my iPod went sliding about eight feet out into the street. The iPod was fine, and I was able to convince myself that my bleeding knee was enough reason to walk for a while. After a few hundred yards I was finally able to talk myself into running again and I did so until about half-way up the hill near my parents' house. At that point I considered laying down on the sidewalk to die. But something inside me pushed me forward. Maybe it was my desire to finish what I had started. Maybe it was my iron-strong will to persevere. Or maybe it was that it was 45 degrees outside and I wanted to go home and die on a soft, warm couch. Probably the soft, warm couch thing.

So I walked the last quarter mile home and went in wheezing, found the couch and prepared to go to a much happier place. You know, with the big puffy clouds, bright lights, and all my old friends. No, not Seattle; death. I fell asleep for about four hours and woke up to a world where everything hurts.

Both my legs were horrendously sore, and it was tremendously hard to walk without crying. But I did it. For about twenty seconds. Even my toes were sore. Not like a blistery soreness; like a muscley soreness. I am the epitome of pittifullness.

It got a little better throughout the day, and my dad reassured me that when I ran the next morning, I would feel a lot better, cause it would stretch out my muscles. I'll never forgive him for that lie.

The next day, after running a slightly shorter distance with less hills, it was much worse. Toe-cramps were back, and my thighs and shins were on fire. Seriously on fire! Ok, not on fire. I also spent this last week having to walk up and down a hill repeatedly to place, adjust, view, change my mind, replace, readjust, and review lights for my church's Easter production. I wouldn't say that hill really helped with the soreness as much as it did make it much, much worse. The weeping really didn't help make me look tough either.

I did however decide to keep going and run a third day. Afterwards I had a doctor appointment and I asked her about the wheezing I had experienced the first few days. I found it quite humorous how she avoided the term, "out of shape." She instead used terms like, "exercise-induced asthma," and, "low lung capacity."

Fortunately I did feel much better and less sore after the fourth day of running. I can now run almost a hundred yards without nearly passing out. Baby steps, everyone. Baby steps.

tats.

Becky: I have a star tattoo on my back and a heart on my stomach. And I'm getting 3 chinese symbols on my back; for "perserverence," "determination," and "strength."

Josh: You should get a fourth one that says, "cliche."