Random Ramblings

Tonight I was tremendously bored and began filling out a MySpace bulletin survey (lame, I know). One question asked what four things I'd like to do before I died. My first response was to be funny:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
1: Meet Steve Jobs

I usually just do bulletins to give humorous responses, cause I know that most people don't actually care what my three favorite colors are, or the answers to most of the other questions. So I made reference to my obsession for Apple products (I own 3 Apple computers, 2 iPods and an iPhone). I also recently went on a 36 hour trip with two friends to MacWorld in San Francisco and 28 of those 36 hours was spent driving.

My second answer was a serious one:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
2: Have kids

I usually have some seriousness in my survey responses, but that is only when I cannot think of humorous answers. Plus, I love children and can't wait to have my own (but will gladly wait anyway), so that seemed like a good answer.

So on to three and four:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
3:
4:

Ah hem. Three and four:

3:
4:

I couldn't come up with anything.

I tried to think of something hilarious....nothing. I tried thinking of something fun.....nothing. I tried to think of something practical....nothing. No good, funny or entertaining answer came to mind.

So then the request to "list FOUR things you want to do before you die" became "what are you going to do before you die," or more accurately, "what are you going to do with your life."

Wow....uhhmmm....hmmmmm....I don't know. So then that changed into "what could you do with your life?" That is the question! That is the question that I should be asking myself every morning before my feet hit the wonderful rug that my sister-in-law and mom bought for me.

If nothing was holding me back, what could I do with my life? Though, the easier question to answer would be "what couldn't I do with my life?" And that answer is most definitely, undeniably, NOTHING!

As a child everyone around you tells you that you can do or be anything you want to do or be. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor, marine biologist, astronaut, and many others. Who was it that convinced me I couldn't?

ME!!

I have the most amazing, supportive family and they always told me that I could do anything. But most of the time it was me that convinced me that I couldn't do it. There were a few times that they were able to convince me that I was able to achieve something, but that was not as frequent as it was that I believed I couldn't. The most amazing and horrifying thing happens when you convince yourself that you can't do something: you make it true.

I have always struggled with completing homework and other tasks that I deemed "no fun." But the real issue is less that it was no fun, and more that I was worried about failure. You see, if I get a bad grade because I didn't try hard, I have that excuse to fall back on. But if I worked as hard as I could on a task and failed it, then I'd have nothing to use as an excuse, and that scares the crap out of me. But the truth is that I wouldn't.

Phillippians chapter 4, verse 13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I had always read this as "I can get done what I want to because Christ will help me." False. The verse says "all things." God isn't just saying, "I'll help ya with that." He's saying, "You can do it!! I believe in you with all my heart!! I know you can do it, because I made you!!" And I didn't believe him.

WHAT?!?

I have consistently gotten in the way of my dreams and the dreams God has for me because I was scared he was wrong. I thought that I could be more reasonable about the situation than God. I'm no theologian, but I'm quite certain that goes against the first Commandment. I made a god before Him and it was me.

So where do I go from here? First, start listening to Him more and read my Bible, after all, I have four on my shelf, collecting dust. Second, stop getting in the way of my dreams, and start living my dreams. Third, re-read A Purpose Driven Life to find His purpose for my life.

Oh ya, and the answers to the rest of the bulletin:

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
1: Meet Steve Jobs
2: Have kids
3: Start my own telecommunications company
4: Keep adding to this list.